Here we go again. I am once again in the throws of interviewing lawyers (this time one who can specialize in Domestic Violence, Coercive Control and emotional abuse issues), seeking advocacy help, filling out forms, gathering evidence. My head is spinning from the last week. After hearing of my ex’s arrest for domestic violence and child abuse towards his girlfriend, I had to fly into action. Maybe now the court will believe me that my children are not safe in his care. Maybe now someone will help me protect them! But I am afraid. Afraid of being held in contempt of court if I do not bring my children to their visitations. Afraid of the cost to them if I do. Afraid of the sure to come verbal/emotional/spiritual abuse. Afraid that the judge will be charmed by my ex, as he was the last time. Afraid that I will end up in worse circumstances than I am now. Fear based on past experiences, threats and knowledge of other women being mistreated or accused of lies by the court.
Then this moring I was reading in the Psalms, my favorite place to linger…
“Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness, come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his COURTS with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good an his love endures forever, his faithfulness continues through all generations. “
His courts. Thank you Jesus for those words. I may not have any confidence in the court system here on earth, I stand in fear and anger at not being heard or understood. But I am able to stand in full confidence in God’s courtroom. I have no fear there. He knows me, he loves me, he cares about my heart and the true safety and well being of my children.
God is just, he is righteouss, he is love.
In God’s court I have freedom. I can bow at His feet, in humility, in awe, full of hope. In God’s court my mothers heart will be understood, my courage to protect and provide for my children will be seen as strength and righteousness, not disobedience, disrespect or selfseeking.
My joy in the Lord throughout all of my hardships will please the Lord, He is delighted with me, His daughter, for never turning my back on him, for being bold in my faith, for loving others well.
I have confidence in His love for me, for my boys. I have confidence in His protection, His provision. I have confidence in His strength, in His judgment.
I am reminded of all the ways He has led the way for me. Providing a job when I had no education, providing a house when I had no money, providing friends when I had nothing to offer in return, providing a lawyer who navigated Jason’s tricks and manipulations, providing a vehicle that meets my family’s needs, providing godly and lovely counselors for both myself and my children, providing prayer warriors to walk with me, providing worship opportunities for my soul to find joy, and most of all providing wisdom and strength to face each day as a wounded single mother, trying to raise wounded boys.
“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Fo those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn, among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called, those he called, he also justified, those he justified he also glorified. .What, then, sall we say in respones to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:18-19, 28-31
I will stand in God’s court, justified, glorified, and loved. To Him be the glory. I will praise his name, even when my heart is heavy.