Sometimes God’s goodness towards me takes my breath away. I have consistantly found that when I leave something in his hands and stop trying to manipulate it or make it happen on my own, he exceeds all expectation.
I moved out away from the town I love, the people I love, because of the hardship of living in a small town with an ex who was determined to stalk, threaten and harass me (and also because of this tiny thing called a pandemic and stay at home orders). It felt like a loss, a defeat, to leave. But God has used that surrender to bring about so much peace, so much good. I have gained so much by losing what I was clinging to.
The other day while journaling, I found myself wanting to complain about just how hard and awful this year 2020 has been. And then I decided to turn it around and find 20 good things about this year. I found 21 🙂
Because with every hardship I faced, I saw God’s hand weaving something for my good. What seemed like the lowest moments, he brought forth something fruitful.
A possible job loss because of relocation turned into an opportunity to work from home and be able to navigate the kids ever changing schedules. It has also given me the opportunity to expand my own business and add new skills/services to my resume. Who knew becoming a traveling Notary Public would be something to come out of the Pandemic?
All the pain and anxiety of dealing with the courts, lawyers and legal advisers turned into being capable of representing myself in court and fight for the wellbeing of my boys. Two years of navigating visitations and the emotional abuse my sons and I had to endure, has now turned to supervised visits WHEN the children request it. That is so far beyond what I had dared hope.
Losing my home, moving in with my parents, has turned into building up my savings, getting much needed rest and now the opportunity to buy a home for my family (still in the process of applications and whatnot but things are looking promising). I never thought I would be in a position to be able to buy a house as a single mom. Never. But again, God has exceeded my limited expectation and has shown me his love and his character.
Giving up all child/spousal support this year in exchange for the boys safety and well being has led to God providing a raise, increased work and a freedom I was not expecting.
I know hard times are still ahead of me. I know trials will continue to come. But I think the difference between now and a few years ago, is that I can see and fully trust God’s heart towards me. All those years of living in fear and pain were not wasted years. They built in me the courage, perspective, faith and grit I would need to face the challenges ahead. They also reaffirmed that being faithful to the Lord has far greater rewards than anything this world has to offer.
God has been revealing to me his faithfulness. When I truly let go and trust him, He knocks my socks off. So now when I start getting anxious thoughts (about money, dating, boys becoming teenagers, finding community….) I remind myself that God likes to exceed my expectations. And I get excited about how he is going to do so! The kind of peace that brings to my heart is so so good. I do not need to fret or try so hard, he’s got this.
“For the Lord is a sun and shield, the Lord bestows favor and honor, no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you. ”